Maintaining 43 in the Single Lane

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Dates: Ripe For The Picking For This Single Gal?

Give me one good reason why I should get back into the dating scene.

SINgle GIRL: I don’t know that you “should”. You should if you’re interested in male companionship or a relationship with a guy. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with being single and not dating.

I have been accused of wearing my single status like a "banner" (I should mention by a very frustrated dude who had NO chance of picking the lock of my chastity belt!). Why do so many feel that once they find out you're single , you are automatically in need of being changed, or hooked up?

SINgle GIRL: I have two answers to that: 1) Boys and girls grow up and get married. That’s the way it’s supposed to work. Those are the unwritten rules. And our society has always looked unkindly to those who don’t follow the rules. Single adults represent a challenge to traditional values. 2) Married people want us to be saddled with the same responsibilities that they have. They’re threatened by our freedom.

This is my theory: do I need a man in my life? No. Do I want a man in my life? Absolutely. Therein lies the problem. Those who have tried to woo me have it all wrong; desperation is not a quality I possess. Have you experienced this?

SINgle GIRL: Just today I was writing a critique of a “dating expert” who was preaching the age-old advice that men needed to feel needed and that women needed to soften their image and seem less independent. In truth, I think there are lots of men who want strong, independent women. They may not be the majority, but they’re out there.

TWHS: Let's talk about intentions. Since I'm not looking for a husband or a "friend with benefits", what are the odds that I meet someone who is just looking for companionship like me? (Cue the choir of moans from the men)

There are men seeking what you seek. Just today I noticed one as I was scrolling through on the online dating site. He was only seeking “new friends”. They are an extreme minority, though.

TWHS: OK, let's talk about sex. When it was in my life, it was fabulous. But now that I have been celibate for three years, it's kinda like the fresh peaches I only get to savor in late summer. Although I know its rewarding results, I have yet to die because of its absence. Some might say I have extended my life without it (the sex, not the peaches...)

SINgle GIRL: I’d say that’s true for most people. As for me, I’m fine if I have to live without sex, though I know that I’m much happier with it.

TWHS: On the subject of commitment, I feel there is too much sampling and not enough seriousness nowadays. So when in Rome, do what the Romans do. I no longer look for commitment. But it did inspire me once to title a book, "Layaway is Not An Option" after a five-year relationship. I never published it. What are your thoughts on the C word?

SINgle GIRL: I think commitment is important and seek it in a relationship. If a guy will not commit (just for clarification, commitment to me means that we both make a concerted effort towards making the relationship successful – that we both identify it as a relationship worth making an effort for) within a matter of a few months then I am not going to continue seeing him.

TWHS: Is it acceptable to approach a man you are interested in?

Of course. It’s 2009.

TWHS: What are your views about online dating? Chat lines?

I’m a big fan of online dating and use it as a tool to meet new men (very successfully, I might add). I think I used a chat room once, a few years ago and found it to be a total waste of time.

TWHS: Seeing that we both have the gift of being age-defying, does the term cougar offend you? And when was the last time you had to brush off a young'un?

The term does not offend me, though its use as a term of derision does. I see nothing wrong with an older person dating a younger person. I’ve dated men who were somewhat older than me. I didn’t think it was weird or odd. We had lots in common and were attracted to one another. I don’t see how that’s different than an older woman dating a younger guy. I have younger men hit on me all of the time (last time was last week). I wasn’t interested.

TWHS: Lastly, what advice do you give to all the Single Ladies who feel they are incomplete without a boyfriend?

SINgle GIRL: Obviously that’s a loaded question...

I feel kind of sorry for women who feel they must have a man in their lives to be complete, but I also understand where that comes from. If a girl really felt that way I’d advise her to try to spend some time alone. Get to know herself better. No one can complete you, but you. Prince Charming is a lie and Tom Cruise is a short, gay troll. Learn to be happy on your own.

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