Maintaining 43 in the Single Lane

Seven Statements That Will Kill The Chance of a Second Date With Me

2009-08-03T04:45:00.000-07:00

On the heels of my chat with SINgle Girl, I have leaped into the online dating pool. Right out the bat, sharks suffering from mid-life crisis swarmed, much to my dismay (thanks, but no thanks; my Daddy issues were resolved a long time ago).

Then there was Sloppy Joe, the self-proclaimed chef who didn't make it past the initial text/phone calls. After asking me rather inappropriate questions ("So, do you have a six-pack?"), he turned out to be a little too obsessed with the fact that I am the same size as former Destiny's Child member Kelly Rowland (I said I was her size; I never said I WAS her!).

He was immediately thrown back into the water. And blocked. Did I mention he didn't have a six-pack himself, justifying his "girth" to a job requirement that has him tasting every meal prior to it going out to patrons? That's not a job requirement; that's just being slovenly. But one of my Tweeps found me this portable Kelly for him to play with (thanks, Steph!).

Undaunted, I pressed on, wading through the murky waters of dating. Seeing a profile that sounded promising, I contacted Date #1. His profile stated he was of athletic build, which was backed up by his pictures. We exchanged e-mails for about a week, and he was all gentleman. With common interests of jazz, travel and culture, we set a meeting for yesterday -

And so I begin my list of Seven Surefire Statements That Will Kill The Chance of a Second Date With Me:

1. Know What the True Meaning of Athletic Is. By all means, post a picture that is from the last decade. Did you think I wouldn't notice that you are at least 20 pounds heavier in person than the picture in your profile? And if your build is closer to Cedric the Entertainer than it is to The Rock, sweetie, you're not athletic, you're FAT

2. I Bet People Who Wonder Why You are Single Think You're Gay: Dude, if you are trying to be humorous, that means you are not; you're just annoying

3. Do You Have An Innie or An Outtie? That's really none of your business, seeing that you will NEVER get the chance to find out

4. Do You Use Oil of Olay? Your Complexion is So Radiant: I will cut some slack on this statement, as it falls under a bona fide compliment (often given to me by both men and women). But not if you ask it when I am discussing the passing of my grandmother

5. Who Does Your Eyebrows? NOW who's gay?!!

Ladies, if this is ever asked by a man, run - don't walk - to Nandoism's How To Tell If Your Man Is Gay List

6. Can I Take a Picture of You to Show My Dad? I Told Him I Was Meeting You Today: CHECK, PLEASE!!!

7. Sexist Jokes: You would think that in this day and age of politically-correct intellectuals, common sense would prevail. I will never repeat the disrespectful comment he made about domestic violence victims. Being that the Say NO to Violence Campaign is a cause that I hold near and dear to my heart, this was the ultimate dealbreaker for me.

So men, take note. The ignorant and inappropriate things that fall out of your mouths will be the reason why the last you'll see of me is the glimmer of my heels running away from you.

Dates: Ripe For The Picking For This Single Gal?

2009-06-30T10:39:00.000-07:00

TWHS: Give me one good reason why I should get back into the dating scene.

SINgle GIRL: I don’t know that you “should”. You should if you’re interested in male companionship or a relationship with a guy. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with being single and not dating.

TWHS: I have been accused of wearing my single status like a "banner" (I should mention by a very frustrated dude who had NO chance of picking the lock of my chastity belt!). Why do so many feel that once they find out you're single , you are automatically in need of being changed, or hooked up?

SINgle GIRL: I have two answers to that: 1) Boys and girls grow up and get married. That’s the way it’s supposed to work. Those are the unwritten rules. And our society has always looked unkindly to those who don’t follow the rules. Single adults represent a challenge to traditional values. 2) Married people want us to be saddled with the same responsibilities that they have. They’re threatened by our freedom.

TWHS: This is my theory: do I need a man in my life? No. Do I want a man in my life? Absolutely. Therein lies the problem. Those who have tried to woo me have it all wrong; desperation is not a quality I possess. Have you experienced this?

SINgle GIRL: Just today I was writing a critique of a “dating expert” who was preaching the age-old advice that men needed to feel needed and that women needed to soften their image and seem less independent. In truth, I think there are lots of men who want strong, independent women. They may not be the majority, but they’re out there.

TWHS: Let's talk about intentions. Since I'm not looking for a husband or a "friend with benefits", what are the odds that I meet someone who is just looking for companionship like me? (Cue the choir of moans from the men)

SINgle GIRL: There are men seeking what you seek. Just today I noticed one as I was scrolling through on the online dating site. He was only seeking “new friends”. They are an extreme minority, though.

TWHS: OK, let's talk about sex. When it was in my life, it was fabulous. But now that I have been celibate for three years, it's kinda like the fresh peaches I only get to savor in late summer. Although I know its rewarding results, I have yet to die because of its absence. Some might say I have extended my life without it (the sex, not the peaches...)

SINgle GIRL: I’d say that’s true for most people. As for me, I’m fine if I have to live without sex, though I know that I’m much happier with it.

TWHS: On the subject of commitment, I feel there is too much sampling and not enough seriousness nowadays. So when in Rome, do what the Romans do. I no longer look for commitment. But it did inspire me once to title a book, "Layaway is Not An Option" after a five-year relationship. I never published it. What are your thoughts on the C word?

SINgle GIRL: I think commitment is important and seek it in a relationship. If a guy will not commit (just for clarification, commitment to me means that we both make a concerted effort towards making the relationship successful – that we both identify it as a relationship worth making an effort for) within a matter of a few months then I am not going to continue seeing him.

TWHS: Is it acceptable to approach a man you are interested in?

SINgle GIRL: Of course. It’s 2009.

TWHS: What are your views about online dating? Chat lines?

SINgle GIRL: I’m a big fan of online dating and use it as a tool to meet new men (very successfully, I might add). I think I used a chat room once, a few years ago and found it to be a total waste of time.

TWHS: Seeing that we both have the gift of being age-defying, does the term cougar offend you? And when was the last time you had to brush off a young'un?

SINgle GIRL: The term does not offend me, though its use as a term of derision does. I see nothing wrong with an older person dating a younger person. I’ve dated men who were somewhat older than me. I didn’t think it was weird or odd. We had lots in common and were attracted to one another. I don’t see how that’s different than an older woman dating a younger guy. I have younger men hit on me all of the time (last time was last week). I wasn’t interested.

TWHS: Lastly, what advice do you give to all the Single Ladies who feel they are incomplete without a boyfriend?

SINgle GIRL: Obviously that’s a loaded question...

I feel kind of sorry for women who feel they must have a man in their lives to be complete, but I also understand where that comes from. If a girl really felt that way I’d advise her to try to spend some time alone. Get to know herself better. No one can complete you, but you. Prince Charming is a lie and Tom Cruise is a short, gay troll. Learn to be happy on your own.

Cashmere Mafia Hit (Singles) Party

2008-01-07T09:14:00.000-08:00

It's hard out here for a single gal. So instead of crying over spilled milk this V-Day, I'm taking matters into my own hands by declaring a hit on Cupid-

That is, a Cashmere Mafia Hit (Singles) Party! I'm gathering all my single girlfriends together, asking them to come dressed to kill in oxford booties, stilettoed spats, fedoras - like these Traveler Lower Crown Fedora Packable Hats - and anything cashmere (sweaters, scarves, or gloves). The guest with the most creative outfit will win a goody bag of Mint Cashmere Cream shower gels and body mousse from Urban Chic Boutique...

For refreshments, I will serve the signature Stiletto Cocktail and shots of Red Death, serve Sicilian Caponata hors d'oeuvres and offer chocolate cigars presented in a miniature briefcase humidor (real mavens don't smoke!).

Of course, the night will end with watching the previous night's show of Cashmere Mafia on ABC...

Cupid better watch his back.

Interview With Author Mimi Jefferson

2007-12-18T11:05:00.000-08:00

TWHS: First, I'd like to thank you for bringing attention to a topic that is robbing single women of their souls. What inspired you to write The Single Sister Experiment?

Jefferson: I was at dinner with a (platonic) male friend six years ago. During the course of the dinner, his cell phone was ringing off the hook with different females. After one particular call, he hung up laughing and stated, "You women have no idea what power you have. This last girl who called - who I haven't spoken to in months - would be so easy to get intimate with again. A couple of calls to her would be all it would take to get close to her."

I went home and thought; what if single women did choose to utilize the powers of their spirit instead of their desires? How they would be so much more powerful!

TWHS: Amazing. The cell phone must be the universal bullhorn for men's egos; I have been witness to the same erratic calls to a male friend's cell phone, as well. What feedback have you received from men? Do they view the book as a game blocker?

Jefferson: There have been no comments whatsoever, with the exception of the older, mature men (with daughters and responsibilities).

Now what I didn't expect was finding out there are some men who are just as tired of the game-playing and who want to get married. But women are quick to say these men don't exist.

TWHS: As a single woman who has chosen a life of abstinence, I shake my head at how many view my choice as a "phase", with certain men seeing it as a challenge to to change my mind! What advice do you give the single woman straddling the fence between being obedient to God's path and the temptations of the flesh?

Jefferson: Have your values set. That's what men do; they chase. That's the natural process. I went through the process myself, and it's not easy. I was involved in a ten-year, destructive relationship with a boyfriend. For me, I found the strength to get out of it through Jesus.

TWHS: Wow, that was like a ten-year layaway!

Jefferson: (Laughing)

TWHS: Was it an abusive relationship?

Jefferson: No, more like a trapped situation that wasn't going anywhere. He didn't treat me like the Queen I was...

Women need to think about what they're giving up. It's more than just your body; you are wasting time, and blocking the path to your true potential. And even blocking the husband that God has put in your path.

But the most important advice I could give to the single woman is read the book! All three main characters are going through the test of temptation of men.

TWHS: Was there anyone in your life during those ten years telling you that you were wasting your time?

Jefferson: No; to people on the outside, it looked perfect!

TWHS: What is your next step for the book? Do you have appearances scheduled for women's groups?

Jefferson: I am working on my second book with a main character named James, Sr. It will be the male's perspective and spin-off of The Single Sister Experiment. I really want women to know how going through this process also affects men.

BTW, the man who I had the ten-year relationship with? He is now my husband of two years, and we are three months pregnant with our first child! (And no, I never used the ultimatum tactic.) Because of the pregnancy, I will be taking it easy up until February, when I will be making some local book appearances in Houston, Texas.

TWHS: Congratulations! So this book is a true testimony and loosely based on your life?

Jefferson: It is fictional, but I think almost all women can relate to the experiences involving men.

TWHS: With the title reference to sisters, do you see where you have a mix of ethnic readers?

Jefferson: I have to state it was my publishing company's decision to feature Black women on the cover of the book, not mine. At the book signings, I do see a few other ethnicities, but not many.

TWHS: Well, let me just say I use the term sister for all women who walk the path of a prosperous, elite and definitive lifestyle. Having said that, I recommend this book to ALL single women who are tired of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. In this case, it's compromising your temple to those who are not worthy.

How would you like your book to make a difference in the lives of women?

Jefferson: I wish I could reach the teenage sector. I have been part of library presentations,and the girls present were totally turned off by the message in the book.

TWHS: Are you serious? What ages are we talking about?

Jefferson: Between 13-17 years old. It's like the influence of videos and today's culture tells them that's the only way to be. I wish I could have gotten to them when they were at the age nine...

TWHS: Well, Mimi, if there is anything I can do to help you get the message out; I see where we need to make a collective, stillettoed noise.

Jefferson: Be sure to let single women know that if they make the choice to walk the life of abstinence, they will not be alone; they can join The Single Sister Experiment Online Group, where women help one another get through this life-changing transition.

Want Versus Need: Debunking The Myth of a Dilemma

2007-10-27T06:58:00.000-07:00

Greta Garbo was ahead of her time.

The infamous quote, I want to be alone, uttered by the silver screen siren may have been the angst of an eccentric ballerina, but today's single woman has options. Like slipping into the co-starring role of a marriage, or headfirst into executive heels - or both - based merely on her desires.

CUT! Is any relationship, casual or committed, better than none? Please; I canceled that subscription to insanity about a year-and-a-half ago. I want the companionship found within a relationship, but as a writer I also need solitude to draft my work. This request for space has been misconstrued to the point of labeling me distant. That is the farthest thing from the truth; I happen to be one who is comfortable in my oneness, whereas ex-boyfriends sought mandatory audiences whenever and wherever they could find them: from dinner parties at our place, to group outings for events (front row, of course). And while I enjoyed the vibrancy of our social life, I am that rare species of a social butterfly that loses no brilliance if not fluttering at every single event...

At the end of the day, does the single woman need a relationship to validate her worthiness, or does she want peace within her world, knowing she is completely functional in her current status? And can she have it all, if need be?

This holiday season, I challenge all single women to this task; ask for what you want. Whether it is a relationship, or that Prada handbag whose price is equivalent to one month's rent, just remember to be specific. Especially in the lights, camera, and action of the holidays, be careful what you wish for. No one wants to echo the angst of Miss Garbo.

A Diagnosis By Any Other Name

2007-09-18T16:57:00.000-07:00

"Would you like a chaperone?"

Odd question, seeing I'm far from being of "chaperone" age. And the fact that I was in the office of my OBGYN this past Monday, preparing to have my annual Pap smear. Seems times have changed in the safeguarding of young women.

My stats were good: blood pressure fine, my weight - get this - a steady, seven-year-consecutive 113 lbs (amidst red velvet cupcakes, mandatory bread intake and four years in rib-drenched Memphis)...

The exam was the typical, refrigerated pelvic exam, complete with a complimentary "ambush" anal exam (aren't they suppose to warn you of the invasion, in lieu of dinner and a dance?!!).

This annual exam was a far more traumatic experience back in 1993. When I was called into my doctor's office to get results of my Pap smear back then, my mother and I heard a diagnosis that was foreign to us; dysplasia. When we asked the doctor what it meant, he explained it as being the presence of abnormal cells in the cervix, which comes in three stages: mild, moderate, and severe. I was diagnosed with the severe stage. When asked what "severe" meant, his response put it all into focus-

Precancerous.

Here's my life, in rapid succession of this announcement:

~ One request for a hysterectomy- DENIED

~ A second opinion (with second denial of a hysterectomy)

~ One painful cone biopsy, a remedial diagnosis ONE YEAR LATER, followed by the replacement and complaint letter of my OBGYN

~ One laser treatment, succeeded by normal Pap smears from that point on...

Which is why I am so upset by the angst voiced by the parents of daughters age 9 and up who have the opportunity of GARDASIL, the vaccine created to help guard against HPV, the leading cause of cervical cancer. Even fourteen years ago, my OBGYN referred to cervical cancer as an STD, but I guess society wasn't ready to digest that information. But it is what it is; sexually-active females can easily become affected by the 20 million people in the United States already infected with HPV (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate, as of 2005). And sexual intercourse is not a prerequisite; anyone who has any kind of sexual activity involving genital contact with an infected person can get HPV.

So in this day and age, parents have far more than their daughter's first movie date or dance to worry about; but at least a chaperoned Pap smear has a better chance of a positive diagnosis than mine back in 1993.

Interview With Jacqueline Buker

2007-09-12T05:16:00.000-07:00

TWHS: What is the investment for anyone interested in becoming a Footprints International Representative?

Jacqueline: The investment is $600 to $1,000 depending on the shoe selections made by the representative. This investment includes a carrying case, nylon Peds, a purple display cloth- everything needed to get started in the shoe party business - including fabulous business cards!

TWHS: What is the price range of shoes in your collection?

Jacqueline: The prices range of the shoes in my current sample kit start at $26 for flat sandals and up to $65 for boots. The average price of heels is about $48. We have a broad range of selections that rotate with the seasons. There is always something for everyone, and that makes my parties successful. The pricing of the inventory is good for the representative, individual orders are frequently over $100, so the customer gets more of what they love for the money. The representative is able to make a good income from catering to women who want great shoes, but can't spend $300 for a pair and to women who could spend that kind of money, but don't always choose to. I have a repeat customer who never orders less than five to six pairs of shoes every time she orders (thanks Kelly; you rock!).

TWHS: There are many "shoe snobs" walking around in three-figure, four-inch stilettos. Would this group be one that would not be involved in your Shoe Parties?

Jacqueline: Well, first - the President of Footprints International (Margaux Jordan) is a stiletto girl herself! We work with small designers with unique shoes. I have booked parties for people who have called me and said they liked shoes their friend ordered from me and can't find exactly the same thing in department stores or they did find the same thing priced over $30 more. And yes, "shoe snobs" would and have been satisfied with our selection. I have had parties where women were ordering, trying on shoes and it was crazy trying to take orders because of the excitement generated from the women! It is not like buying shoes in the mall! I heard a story about a Footprints representative in Prescott, Arizona, who had a party where guests were saying the shoes looked like $300 shoes. One woman said, "Oh my goodness, I can't believe I just spent $2,000 on five pairs of shoes when I could have gotten these!" So someone who can and has spent that kind of money on beautiful shoes would consider our shoes beautiful, too. I love that story!

TWHS: And how would you explain to this group that your inventory is as of quality, if not better than, their designer brand pumps?

Jacqueline: I know I wear my personal selection of shoes like crazy (good test for quality, I'm hard on my shoes!). The president of the company still wears shoes from the initial launch (four years ago). For someone to be on their feet that much and still be in shoes at the end of the day says a lot to me. In almost two years of doing parties, the feedback is glowing. Footprints International is interested in helping women be successful and look great doing what they do in great shoes.

TWHS: What are the benefits of a shoe lover hosting a Shoe Party?

Jacqueline: A first-time hostess receives a $25 gift certificate towards the purchase of one pair of shoes and a percentage (10%-50%) off additional purchases (based on guest sales). Repeat hostesses receive the same benefit, plus, a free pair of shoes (up to $50). We also have a Customer Reward Program, so even if you never have a party, but are a loyal customer, you are rewarded for it. The company offers special incentives for hostesses during the year which are very generous.

I read somewhere recently that there is a growing trend of women starting their own businesses. One common thread about these women is that they choose what they love first and income second. Shoe parties, for me, is both. I love having the parties and I love making money. I enjoy great support and respect from Footprints International as a company. I have developed an amazing friendship with Margaux Jordan. I never thought I would be a rich woman selling shoes. I am rich in ways I did not expect. I want other women to have that, too.

TWHS: Are there charitable opportunity options when hosting a Shoe Party?

Jacqueline: Footprints International will donate 10% of sales to a non-profit organization of the hostess' choice. The hostess also receives all the hostess benefits outlined above.

I love telling women they don't have to choose one or the other; they get both!

Interview With Cecilie Toklum

2007-09-03T11:30:00.000-07:00

TWHS: If you could sum up your collection's style in one word, what would it be, and why?

TOKLUM: I would have to use two words; impractically fantastic. Since I started with designing shoes, this has been the theme I have been working with.

TWHS: Describe the first pair of shoes you created, from the vision to completion.

TOKLUM: My inspiration was the actor Asta Nielsen, a certain feeling of bygone divas, and a little hint of Minnie Mouse. My initial thought was based on a classical stiletto and it also came out that way; with references to dancing shoes and a big bow on the back.

TWHS: If you were a style of shoe (stiletto, ballet flat, etc.), what shoe best describes your personality?

TOKLUM: Definitely stiletto! I rarely go anywhere without stilettos. I love the elegant feeling of stilettos and the power and feminine elegance it gives your personality.

TWHS: What should be in every woman's shoe closet?

TOKLUM: 120 MM silk pumps. If that's too high, 100 will do...

TWHS: Complete this sentence: A pair of Toklum heels makes a woman _________.

TOKLUM: Classic, powerful and complete, with a twist of avant-garde.

Interview With Yvonne L. Williams

2007-05-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

TWHS: How long have you been an inspirational speaker?

Williams: 17 years.

TWHS: In your speaking engagements, are there times when you don't feel positive, having to pull energy from others?

Williams: 18 years ago, when I was diagnosed with cancer in four areas, no one believed I was going to survive. This included me having stage 3 ovarian cancer, which no one survives! But I did, through prayer, faith and surgery.

It's through this experience that I have an innate energy when speaking. Now cancer-free and no remission, I found my purpose.

TWHS: Women and shoes; it's a universal connection. In the book, I loved how you summed up each shoe story with a moral. What is your personal shoe story?

Williams: I spotted a fabulous pair of designer shoes in London one year. Before buying, I tried on the pair of sale-priced shoes which had a pencil-thin heel (about 2 1/2 inches) and another version with a fatter heel. I decided to buy the pair with the pencil-thin heel.

I pranced and showed off my new shoes two or three times upon returning home. Until the day my daughter brought to my attention that my "new shoes" were mismatched- one had the pencil-thin heel, and the other had the fatter heel! I was mortified!

I brewed over this situation for six months, until I decided to to take a stand and do something about it. When I announced to my family that I would go back to return the shoes, they laughed, saying not only would the store not accept the return after six months, but they wouldn't even think about a return on worn shoes that had no box or receipt!

Undaunted, I flew back to London, greeting the staff with warmth. After pulling the shoes from the bag, I asked them to turn the heels around. They were embarrassed! I received a store credit for the FULL cost of the shoes instead of the sale price! The moral of my personal shoe story?

Never give up.

TWHS: What has been the reaction to the book?

Williams: You know, I've actually had women walk up to me at book signings and say that the concept of the book is 'superficial'. Mind you, this is coming from people who haven't read it; literally judging my book by the cover. It's not until they reluctantly open it up to read, do they realize the power and significance. I didn't write a book on styles; my book explains how shoes are metaphors of life. House shoes, flat shoes, stilettos- they all represent stages we go through. That's why at speaking engagements, I address my audience as shoe lovers AND shoe wearers; that includes everyone.

Even men have had opinions; do you know what their favorite styles are?

TWHS: Stilettos!

Williams: Stilettos and boots! (Laughing)

TWHS: Being a cancer survivor thrice over, what advice do you give to Elizabeth Edwards, as she battles cancer the second time during her husband's presidential campaign?

Williams: She needs to take care of herself and her healing. We [women] love sacrificially. Going through a presidential campaign takes a lot of energy, and that environment is not positive. I think it's a selfish gesture on his part.

TWHS: What advice do you give other cancer patients?

Williams: You have to break the cancer/death connection. Just because you've been diagnosed with cancer doesn't mean you will die from it! Get rid of the fear; heart disease is more deadly than cancer, yet people fear a cancer diagnosis more.

I personally do not look at cancer fatality statistics; but I do know there are five million people living with cancer.

TWHS: I never knew that.

Williams: And that's the point; we need to focus on the positive. As my journey proves, challenges are pathways to growth, and cancer patients will go through many changes. Shoes and life experiences are both necessities. And the mountains we will encounter aren't smooth, so we must make sure to wear the proper shoes for the journey.

Interview With Jerone L. Davison

2007-04-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

TWHS: When it comes to writing, the age-old adage is write what you know. What is your level of expertise in this field?

Davison: I am a marriage and family counselor and a pastor. I became saved at age 17, and was very open and obedient to the spirit of the Lord. He told me that if I dated any of the sisters in the church, I would do great damage to them because He said that none of them were my wife, so I listened. God then began to show me, even at that time, that He was not pleased with His daughters not having men in the church to marry. All I could do at that time was listen and pray; I didn't know that He was going to use me to write such an impacting book on the subject.

TWHS: What inspired you to write a book for single women? Why not single men?

Davison: I was inspirited by the spirit of the Lord to write some instructions to the daughters of the church because God our Father desires the best for us all. Besides that, my mother divorced my dad when I was in my early teens, and I saw the pain and devastation that it caused her and our family that remains with me even to this day. I vowed to the Lord that if He would allow me to live and marry that I would never cheat, beat or deceive my wife and that I would honor the institution of marriage. I also wrote it to prepare the women for the men that God is going to send into the church. The odd thing about it, I am a man's man; I minister better to men than I do women, but God chose me to complete this particular task in the Kingdom. But I do have something in the works for men as well.

TWHS: From your days as an NFL player, I'm sure you witnessed (and/or experienced) women compromising their self-worth. Why do you feel so many people chase celebrity?

Davison: Yes, as a pro athlete (or any person with money in the spotlight), you end up on the hit list for women who are more than willing to give their bodies in exchange for a baby, one night with a celebrity, or money. It's really sad because most of them are very beautiful and intelligent but have bought into the devil's lies and feel that their only way up is on their backs, degrading videos, magazines, etc.

I'm not bragging, but I never went to a party or on dates with any of them, whether I was single or married. And that includes my college days at Arizona State University (the so-called "party school"). Minds are so easily blown by someone who has money or in the music business because we make them [celebrities] stars or angels (in our eyes) and they influence the way we think, what we buy, what we ride in, drink, smoke or who we sleep with, which is why I feel that worldly celebrity is Satanic - it's his main weapon today. When President Clinton's sex sandal was brought to light, children across the nation felt as though oral sex was not sex but of course that's a lie. That's just one example of celebrity gone wild, you know?

TWHS: You call yourself a life coach for single women. In your consultations, do you see more women living single by choice or circumstance?

Davison: I'm sort of like what Mordecai was. He was a man, but not just a man - he was a relative of Esther. That's who I am; I am a spiritual relative of the single saved women in the Kingdom of our God. He guided Esther right into the King's heart and that's what I'm attempting to do is to teach single women how to win a King's heart. Most of our women are forced to live single, which is what upsets me. If they had some good prospects, more than 98% would get married in the blink of an eye. But with such poor pickings, the single life isn't so bad. More men are choosing men, whether openly or on the DL; no woman wants that! A woman wants and deserves a manly man who works hard and is not afraid of getting dirty and working on the car, cutting the grass and wrestling with his sons and teaching his daughters. A man that can keep his hands to himself (you know). Where are these men? What has happened?

Foolish, easy women are also the blame because if you refuse to give him some he can go to a foolish woman and get it. God is going to turn the tides - Get Ready!!!

TWHS: You are a man of faith. What advice would you give to a woman who is aggressively seeking a mate (clubs, chat rooms, speed-dating, etc.), instead of adhering to Proverbs 18:22?

Davison: In Genesis:8, Noah released two birds from the ark when he was touring to see if the waters had receded. One was a raven (a buzzard) and the other was a dove (a gentle, obedient bird). Once the raven left the ark it didn't return because it was happy to land on and eat the dead bodies in the water, it didn't care about the lack of water because of all the the flesh it could eat. On the other hand, the dove only had one appetite and that was pleasing the master of the ark. Women who find men in places like night clubs and chat rooms are more than likely going home with a raven.

But instead, single women need to consider the single man who checks their groceries, dry cleans their clothes, washes their cars, etc., who asks, "What church do you go to?". Your aroma of good works, joy and gentle spirit will make him follow you to the church and hopefully, you have a powerful pastor that knows how to draw men in and get them saved and working in the church. Then all you have to do is keep on praying, praising and living right and he will be yours. Trust that it is the will of God for YOU my sister to be married. Just like it is the will of God for you to be saved, healed, delivered and prosperous even so it is His will for you to be married. Demand it, pray it, know it and thank God for it. Get the book because there is Fatherly love, sound teaching and instructions that will anoint you with the anointing of marriage.

TWHS: Lastly, what would you advise to my readers who feel less than whole because of their marital status?

Davison: I would say that it is not a sin for you to desire to be married; it is your Father's will, so go for it by faith. But don't get discouraged, down or jealous because those are some of the things that will ruin your spiritual aroma and turn your perfume pungent. Lift your hands up right now and thank God for your Spiritual Fragrance that is going to attract the right man. Study Galatians:5 and participate living the Nine Fruits of the Spirit (which are taught in greater detail) in my book The Spiritual Fragrance of A Woman.

Rush Hour Delays

2007-02-27T19:51:00.000-08:00

Far be it from me to complain; I am exactly the same size I was 26 years ago when I graduated from high school. Add to it the fact that this size is in the "single digit zone" (okay, so I'm a size zero- hate me now or forever hold your peace!). I have successfully run a business, can engage in an intelligent conversation without prompting, and have never scared small children upon entering a room.

Yet these attributes haven't increased my chances of walking down the aisle. "Those that can, do; those that can't, plan" was my mantra WAY before J-Lo's portrayal of a wedding planner on the big screen. So in this age of over-analyzation, one might question why I have never married. It's quite simple; I have yet to meet the man who is to be my husband. Now there have been two that came pretty close. But unlike the diamonds they bought, their presence was not meant to be forever.

And here I am, in the glare of the media spotlight, thanks to The New York Times' infamous 51% statistic on single women causing gridlock (which has me sharing the road with 15 year olds). Single gals know all too well the rubbernecker delays caused by conversations about our status. From the, "Don't worry, he's out there" from well-meaning family and friends, to the, "You know, as you get older, you have a greater chance of being struck by lightening?" from mean-spirited folks. Luckily for me, lightening hasn't swept me off my feet, either.

If your life, like mine, has not led down the formidable storybook road of marriage, a three-bedroom house and a minivan decoupaged with honor roll student decals, be fulfilled in knowing that it wasn't supposed to.

Although I am single, I am also complete. At the perfect time, my soul mate will be revealed to me. In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy the scenic route life has me navigating through. And while adjusting my rear-view mirror, reflecting on my prosperous journey should I lock eyes with my future husband, it will be a beautiful thing...

But I cant' pull over now to wait and wonder.